Kids, racist relatives, and virtual holidays

​Things have changed in 2020. Obviously, and unfortunately, it’s become even more acceptable to voice racist opinions in front of children.

​If your holiday family plans include virtual gatherings this year, you need to teach your child how to respond to racist comments from relatives more than ever. Unfortunately, the current political landscape has forced us to teach children how to respond to racism, even virtually.

How to help

To help your child, before the gathering, you could say something like:

“Grandpa is from a different generation than we are. His generation believes that white men are superior to everyone else. We don’t believe that in this family. We believe that everyone is equal (whether it’s racial, religious, economic, gender, etc.). Our family values just don’t support bigotry of any kind.

But there’s very little chance of changing Grandpa’s opinion. So if he (or anyone) says anything that’s insulting to other people, try to have a script in your head that you can say to yourself silently about how we don’t believe that in this family.”

Also, keep in mind that technology sometimes makes it harder to hear what’s being said. It might be prudent to make sure you heard the relative correctly. Ask them to repeat what they said. If/when they do, and it’s clear that you heard the original words correctly, try to make eye contact with your child. They need to know that this is exactly what you meant when you talked about reacting to racist remarks.

Private time

When the virtual gathering is over, and you and your child can talk in private, ask how Grandpa’s remark made them feel. Offer your own opinion, especially if your child looks uncomfortable saying anything ‘against’ Grandpa.

Make sure he/she understands that you don’t love that relative any less. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But your own immediate family treats everyone with kindness and respect.

If your child has any questions about how to react, be sure to take the time to answer their questions patiently. It’s an important concept that will be beneficial for your child if/when they encounter racial prejudice.

Christmas is a big deal for kids

Because the holidays are significant to little people, lessons about bigotry shouldn’t be what they look back on and remember. But at the same time, they do need to know how to react if/when it comes up.

Even if it doesn’t come up during your family virtual gathering, you’ve still educated your child about how to react to bigotry from relatives. That’s a good thing.

Hopefully, things will turn around. Soon. In the meantime, though, it’s essential for you to help your child learn how to process bigotry from relatives.

Originally published at https://www.deiforparents.com